a conundrum......

ok so my first post was really really long winded and quite self serving but it made me feel better so all good. here's my current problem. i had basically opted out of life for 8 years and used the bipolar as an excuse. i shut down, stopped trying, was stuck, numb, turned off, and just didn't care about anything. and i didn't even realize it. now i'm awake and tuned in and i care that my life sucks and i'm going nowhere and i'm trying to change it. but every time i start making progress my illness rears its ugly head and i crash into a 3 day depression or have some CRAZY mixed states or...... how do you get ahead and keep going when it keeps kickin you in the teeth? this is my problem. i spent so long not caring that i have yet to figure this out. the discouragement is frustrating. my motivation is dwindling. crap.