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Sunday, October 28, 2012

If I'm being honest......

I pretend that I'm ok.

I pretend all the time.

For my family, my couple of friends, people on the street, even on Twitter.

I'm totally pretending.

Because honestly, I'm not ok. I'm not fine. I'm not even close.

I'm falling apart.

It hurts so much and I don't have the energy or strength to make it stop.



Today I laid down on the floor and wondered how long it would take to die if I just stayed there and didn't move.

I need medication. However, I make too much money for them to be covered yet not enough to buy them for myself.

I need a psychiatrist. Unfortunately there is a 12 month waiting list.

I need a therapist, but yet again I make too much to have it covered yet not enough to afford to pay for it myself.



I feel so let down. So abandoned. Forgotten. Ashamed. Worthless.

I try to be strong. I really do. I try to fight. I try to fight so hard. I just have absolutely nothing left.



Today I have no profound thoughts, nothing interesting to say, not much of anything at all.

I'm just empty.

Hollow.

Alone.

And just way too damn tired.


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