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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

tested....

Last night's resolve is already waning. After my positive epiphany and mild progress, a very not mild anxiety, fear, and anger attack. Followed by a major mood drop, minor self-harm, and a bottle of wine. Luckily I passed out before doing anything too stupid or damaging.

Ugh. I have no other words than ugh.

No, that's not true. I have these words: really??? Really???!!!! Are you kidding me? Seriously? Unbelievable.

I woke up feeling like an empty hollow punching clown again. Not a good start.

I want to stick to my one fun thing, one cleaning thing, little less TV plan. I really do. But I am currently trying to figure out the most miniscule cleaning thing possible, and I am not even sure I can do that. Deflated heap here I come.

Ugh.

One step forward, seventeen steps back. Every time. Every fricking time.

Ugh.

2 comments:

  1. I love reading you. It seems like everything you write, I could have written myself. We have such similar experiences, you and I. I feel a real kinship with you, and seriously wish we could talk.

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    Replies
    1. You seem to "get" me. I wish there were more people in real life I could say that about. I have one or two, but it is hard to find....

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