Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Heartbroken and helpless....

So tonight I found out that my 15 year old nephew has been in emergency foster care placement for a month because my sister is useless idiot. No one in my family saw fit to tell me. My mother's excuse was that "it's not nice to talk about." Really mom? Oh it's uncomfortable and unpleasant so you're just going to not talk about it and hope it goes away? How about you ignore it and hopefully it goes away on it's own. Let's not dare face it head on, be honest, and try to come up with a useful helpful helpful solution. Oh no, because that would be the smart rational thing to do.

What does this remind me of? Oh right!!!! When I first started having symptoms of depression, PTSD, and eventually bipolar and you shuffled it under the rug and never got me any real help. When you ignored it and refused to learn anything about it so that you could properly help me. I know you loved me mom and dad but you sure as hell messed it up with me, and you're about to do the same thing with your grandson. All because "you don't like to talk about uncomfortable, unpleasant stuff". Thanks for the hug, but avoidance didn't get us anywhere then and it will not help the poor child now. Back then it in fact made things worse, I fear that is what is about to happen again.

All of this is, of course, happening 1700km away from me. So it's easy for them to hide it from me. Why they feel the need to I'm not sure. Probably because they knew I'd be outraged and refuse to sit back and be quiet while my idiot sister (pardon my french) fucks over her own kid. I have never been so worried about a child in my life. He is depressed, feeling unwanted, unloved, and abandoned. I want so much to help him, but I don't know what to do. I am here, they are there. I want to bring him to Vancouver and get him away from the hell that is his mother and now his foster home, but my twit of a sister made up lie about him trying to attack her so now the poor kid has a court date. Who lies to the cops and tells them your son tried to murder you just because you're too lazy to deal with a teenager with an attitude? And might I point out that his attitude is entirely his mother's fault as she exposed him to physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her boyfriends, while she was an alcoholic, cokehead stripper. On top of that she abandoned him with boyfriends, friends, and my parents several times throughout his short life. I'm surprised the poor boy is doing as well as he is. But seriously???!!!! Who tries to put their own kid in juvenile detention with lies because they're too lazy to be a real parent?

Answer: my sister.

Family can be great, but I cannot forgive her for this. That poor child needs love, support, guidance, and compassion not this. Never this. I can't imagine the hell he is in. I can't imagine what went through her mind that could make her do this. I am so livid I am shaking.

I need to help him. I will help him. I just haven't figured out how yet. He is so smart, so sweet, so deserving of good. It's time someone gave him that instead of what his mother has given him all of his life. Once he is found not guilty of her horrible attack lies I will do something. I will find a way. I will not let him get lost in all of the bullshit. I will not let him go through as many years of hell as I did just because "THEY" don't wanna talk about it or face the truth.

No one deserves what that child has been through. No one. And the fact that it is happening to my own nephew is unbearable to me. The fact that I am so far away and feel so helpless to stop his pain and support him the way he needs is heartbreaking. His pain is now my pain and I want more than anything is this world to make it ok for him. To find a way to help him past his pain so that he is not still hurting and struggling in 20 years like I am. I will not allow him to have to go through what I have.

I don't know how yet, but I will find a way. I cannot abandon this kid. I cannot sit back and be silent because it's easier and more comfortable. This is my purpose. To help my nephew. To find a way, no matter what. I will not let him get lost in the bullshit. I will not let him feel unwanted or unloved ever again. I know what that's like. Never again.

Never again.

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