fml

spent all day in be. depressed. hating my life. and eating junk.

now i'm fat and alone and don't want to bother anymore.

i want to be in van but i'm stuk here til my stupid house sells. i want to go to school and be a makeup artist so bad, but i really don't think i'm gonna get in anywhere. i finally hav a drream but its either too late or i'm just not good enough.

i want to be with him so bad, but he's there and i'm here. and he's with her because she's there and i'm not. and she's not crazy. or annoying. or useless....

i can't stop crying. i can't stop eating. i'm trying to fill a hole, a void that will never be filled. because its never enuf. i'm never enuf. and now i feel so fat and ugly i want to punish myself. i hate the vicious circle. i hate it.

panic and guilt are setting in and i can't breathe. i wish it didn't just feel like i couldn't. i wish i really couldn't. i am so sick of all of this. i am so sik of me.